There are many things people don’t tell you about when you become a parent. You have the rose-tinted glass view that everything will be just lovely. We all know about the lack of sleep, we can half guess that our bodies will change permanently, and now, more than ever before, we realise that there can be a mental health impact. But what people don’t discuss so openly is guilt. Mum guilt to be exact.
What is working mum guilt?
Mum guilt by definition is the name women give to feelings of guilt that they can experience in relation to their children. We all can feel it, but for completely different reasons. One of the major factors that can cause you to feel mum guilt is in connection with work.
Mums are told to work like they have no children and parent like they don’t work. Which, in truth, is completely unrealistic. But it is because of that expectation that mum guilt can rear its ugly head.
If you work, be that out of necessity or passion for your career, it often means that there is a large amount of time spent away from your kids. You might work long hours so that you can afford to pay your bills, you might be working extra because you are studying or working towards the next step in your career path. However, all of that effort and time spent away from the family is so that you provide for your family. It is like a double-edged sword.
But while I can’t wave a magic wand and tell you that mum guilt can go away, what I can do is share some tips to help you cope with mum guilt if you work long hours. So here are some of the things to consider.
Top tips to help you cope with Working mum guilt
Remember your WHY
When you start to experience mum guilt one of the first things you should do is remember the reason why you are doing what you are doing. You might be wanting to provide a better way of life, pay for luxuries or holidays to make memories, set a good example for your children, or just pay the bills and keep a roof over your head. Whatever is the reason you do what you do, remind yourself of it and be proud.
Take a deep breath
When those negative emotions start to take hold it is easy to be consumed by them. But recognise they are there and take a deep breath. Breathing exercises can help to calm your mind, enable you to reevaluate your thoughts and allow you to think differently.
Show some self-compassion
You must challenge those negative beliefs. You need to ask yourself whether there is evidence to support those feelings. Often there isn’t. You can then use this tool to reframe how you feel. Challenge it and move forward.
Listen to your intuition
Your intuition is your biggest asset, so why not listen to it during your time of need? You obviously listen to it when you know your child is unwell if things are wrong, and what decisions you need to make. So your intuition can be your guide when feelings of mum guilt strike. A prime example is if your kids are wanting your attention, but you are in the middle of something like answering an email or working from home.
Don’t feel guilty about that, be intuitive and know that you can spend time with them the moment you are done. Your child will let you know what they need and when, so let your intuition be your guide. You will know what to do.
Book time off with your kids
If you can, book some time off with your children. This could be especially good during school holidays. Make sure you spend your time with them. Not only will the kids love it but you will also feel so much better.
Surround yourself with supportive people
Finally, make sure you surround yourself with supportive people. The more support you have and positive influences in your life, the better you will feel. Make sure you talk about it when mum guilt strikes. You will be surprised to find out that so many of us deal with it, and talking about it can help put those feelings into perspective.
Hopeful, these tips will help you if you work long hours and are struggling with mum guilt.
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